'Gutfeld!': Former Biden doc, ‘poor guy’ who should be pardoned for this

 

Greg Gutfeld opens with jokes about Alyssa Farah Griffin crying on The View, suggesting it's either stress or the onions they slice for their daily pig roast. He moves on to news that more than half of East Coast beaches tested positive for fecal contamination, sarcastically claiming they tracked the source.

He jokes about Tim Baltz charging taxpayers $430,000 in legal fees to help prepare to testify before Congress, quipping that while he can't define a woman, he can sure spend like one.

Next, he roasts Kamala Harris, saying she went with her "guts" when choosing Tim Baltz as a running mate and sarcastically speculates about what was in them.

Greg jokes about the BBC releasing images of early human species, with punchlines about their age and appearance.

He then turns to President Biden's former doctor refusing to answer questions about Biden’s health, joking he’d be the perfect doctor to treat Greg’s “secret warts” and saying when asked about Biden’s decline, he referred them to the coroner’s report.

He ridicules Mattel for introducing a Barbie with type 1 diabetes, saying people laughed at his idea for "AIDS Ken."

He cracks a joke about a college student growing a beard as a “symbolic middle finger,” with a woman replying she grew hers for the same reason.

Returning to Biden's former doctor pleading the Fifth before Congress, Greg jokes that doctor-patient privilege is the only thing stopping his own doctor from revealing his birthmark that looks like Brit Hume. He jokes the doctor must constantly deal with Biden’s fragile health, describing outlandish vet-style treatments like popping back his shoulder, removing worms from his leg, or pulling a chipmunk out of his rear.

Greg says Biden's doctor wasn't alone defending him, getting help from a "stupid person from Texas" who insists on confidentiality. Greg says yes, people have the right to privacy but also not to be lied to about the president’s mental capacity. He says Biden has "a brain more shattered than a chair on The View" and roasts Democrats for pretending his decline is news to them.

He jokes about former CNN analysts being shocked Biden couldn’t be trusted outside staged events, comparing this revelation to discovering John Travolta is gaining weight.

Greg says they don't want Biden's doctor in jail because he'd be "passed around like P Diddy's girlfriend at a freak-off" but they do want the real story about his health. He speculates about why Parkinson’s specialists visited so often. He jokes maybe the doctor needs immunity to "spill the beans" without incriminating himself, even pardoning him for his haircut.

He concludes that the real blame lies not with the doctor but with the people around Biden giving orders—and he wants "their scalps."

Then he introduces the night's guests:

• Michael Malice, author of Not Sick of Winning.

• Julie Banderas, Fox News anchor.

• Chef and restaurant owner Andrew Gruel.

• Kat Timpf, libertarian author and Fox News contributor.

Michael Malice says pleading the Fifth was smart—why talk to authorities if you can get away with not doing it? He jokes about Trump's doctor dying not long after his office got raided.

Greg riffs on the idea that a "normal-brained Biden" administration wouldn’t be much different.

Julie Banderas criticizes the media for failing to ask tough questions, joking they should have asked the doctor about his bad haircut instead. She argues that pleading the Fifth over whether he lied about Biden’s health basically confirms he did.

Andrew Gruel adds that this scandal is layered and the media tries to act like heroes despite their cover-up. He jokes that the "stutter fly effect" (a play on "butterfly effect") is being used as an excuse, leading to inflation and a crashing economy.

Greg ends with a joke about how giving the media the job of investigating themselves is like giving yourself a prostate exam—you’d need to be really limber to pull it off.

ICE Arrests Notorious MS-13 Kingpin in Nebraska: Officials Slam Border Failures

 BREAKING: Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents have arrested Melvin Varela Perez, a notorious MS-13 kingpin, in Omaha, Nebraska. Varela Perez had been on El Salvador’s most wanted list for nearly a decade but was reportedly released into the United States after crossing the border illegally in 2023.

Authorities say this arrest highlights a major failure in the U.S. border vetting system. Despite being on international watch lists, including El Salvador’s top 100 most-wanted criminals in 2016 and 2019, Varela Perez was paroled into the country last year.

Interview Excerpt with Border Security Advisor Tom Homan

Host: “How in the world could that have happened?”

Homan:
“This is just one example of what we've seen over the last four years. The Biden administration lied when they said everyone released into the country was properly vetted—they weren’t.
This information about Perez was public and easily found, yet the administration’s main directive to Border Patrol has been ‘process quickly, release quickly.’ They wanted to avoid overcrowding to claim the border was secure. Meanwhile, they kept lying to the American people. Under President Trump, we deported countless criminals—including murderers and sex offenders—because they were properly vetted. But under Biden, that system collapsed.”

Host John:
“Perez was arrested alongside another man, Rene Escobar, who had an Interpol red notice for conspiracy to commit murder. How did they miss that?”

Homan:
“It’s incompetence. Border Patrol under this administration was told to process as quickly as possible, with limited vetting. ICE was restricted from arresting people just for being here illegally unless they had a conviction, not just a warrant. That’s how these criminals slipped through. We’re now working across the country trying to find and remove the dangerous people this administration released.”

On the Scale of the Problem

Homan warned that Perez and Escobar are only the tip of the iceberg:

“We know there are 600,000 illegal aliens with criminal records walking the streets of this country. We have 2 million known ‘got-aways’—people who crossed the border under Biden without being stopped or vetted at all. We’re working with ICE, the FBI, and the intelligence community to track them down.”

Pushback Against Criticism of ICE

Homan defended ICE agents facing public criticism:

“The media keeps lying about ICE raids in schools and churches—which isn’t happening. We’re focusing on public safety threats. These men and women are American heroes.
But from day one, we knew they’d be vilified. The opposition hates Trump more than they love their communities. But we’re not giving up. We have over a thousand teams looking every single day. We are not stopping.”

Local Homeland Security Reaction

Mark Zeno of Homeland Security Investigations praised the arrests, saying:

“These illegal aliens didn’t just sneak into our country. They brought a legacy of violence, terror, and death. They thought they could hide in America’s heartland, but were sadly mistaken. Not on our watch.”

Breaking: Disturbance Interrupts Trump Rally as Former President Escorted from Stage

 

[BUTLER, PA], [Jul 13, 2024] — Former President Donald Trump was abruptly rushed off stage by Secret Service agents after a disturbance broke out during his rally speech today.

Trump had been criticizing the Biden administration’s immigration record, displaying a chart he claimed showed “the lowest amount of illegal immigration ever in recorded history” under his presidency.

“That arrow is the lowest amount of illegal immigration ever in recorded history into our country. Then the worst president in the history of our country took over, and look what happened. Probably 20 million people—and that’s a little bit old, that chart is a couple of months old,” Trump said moments before the interruption.

As he continued speaking, loud noises and commotion erupted in the crowd. Broadcast footage showed agents reacting immediately, forming a protective ring around Trump.

“We are live. Former President Trump was speaking on the stage. There has been some kind of disturbance that clearly set law enforcement and Secret Service into motion,” a reporter narrated. “They immediately jumped around the former president in a protective mode.”

Spectators screamed and shouted, with some voices yelling, “Are we ready to go? Are we ready to go?” as security moved into position.

The situation appeared tense and chaotic. Trump was seen raising his arm and appeared to be holding it in discomfort as agents guided him away.

“This does not look good,” the reporter said on-air. “They are attempting to move him out, but he may have been injured. He is holding up his arm.”

No official details about the nature of the disturbance or Trump’s condition were immediately available. Secret Service and local law enforcement have not released a statement at this time.

The rally crowd was left in confusion as security personnel worked to secure the venue. Updates are expected as authorities investigate the incident.

Interview with President Volodymyr Zelenskyy (Zelenskyy asked whether he owes Trump an apology)

 

Bret welcomes President Zelenskyy back and thanks him for making time for the interview. Bret mentions that President Trump said Zelenskyy disrespected him, the Vice President, and all of America in the Oval Office. He asks Zelenskyy if he thinks he did and whether he owes Trump an apology.

Zelenskyy thanks Americans for their support and says he is grateful to President Trump and Congress for bipartisan support. He emphasizes Ukraine’s strategic partnership with the US, their need for honest and direct dialogue, and the shared goal of ending the war. He says nobody wants to end it more than Ukrainians because they are the ones fighting and dying. He stresses the importance of unity to stop Putin, saying he’s heard Trump promise to stop the war and hopes he will. He calls for early, honest dialogue to understand each other, noting that peace is more than the absence of war—it’s about lasting peace, freedom, justice, and human rights. He points out that Putin has broken cease-fire agreements many times over the years.

Bret presses him about whether he thinks he owes President Trump an apology. Zelenskyy says he respects Trump and the American people, but he’s not sure they did anything wrong. He says some discussions should happen privately, out of the media spotlight, but stresses that Ukraine’s position needs to be understood.

Bret asks about reports that Zelenskyy was told to make the meeting about a minerals deal and economic cooperation, leaving security guarantees to be negotiated step by step. Zelenskyy confirms they’re ready to sign the document as a first step toward security guarantees but says it’s not enough. He wants to understand Trump’s plan to stop Putin, noting it’s a sensitive issue for Ukrainians who have been fighting for years and want America firmly on their side.

Bret asks if the public spat in the Oval Office helped Ukrainians. Zelenskyy says it wasn’t good for either side but refuses to change Ukraine’s stance toward Russia, calling them killers. He praises the US and Europe as Ukraine’s best friends but insists on recognizing the harsh reality.

Bret asks if Trump is right to believe Zelenskyy will never sign a deal with Putin. Zelenskyy says Ukraine wants peace and diplomacy but must negotiate from a position of strength, with security guarantees in place and strong support from partners like the US and Europe.

Bret quotes Trump leaving the White House saying Zelenskyy just wants to fight. He asks if Zelenskyy wants to keep fighting or wants peace. Zelenskyy says they want peace, which is why he’s in the US discussing deals aimed at security guarantees. But he says they can’t just stop fighting while Putin remains a threat. Ukrainians remember how the war began, and no one wants another wave of occupation. If not NATO membership, he wants to build "NATO in Ukraine" with real security guarantees.

Bret asks whether Ukraine can win or hold off Russia without continued US support. Zelenskyy says it will be difficult without that support, which is why he’s there negotiating. He says they can’t lose their people or their freedom, and points out the atrocities Russians committed in Ukraine.

Bret asks about next steps. Zelenskyy says Europe is ready to help financially and militarily, and they’re working to figure out what role the US will play in security guarantees. Once that’s clear, they can move to diplomatic negotiations with Russia and Europe. He says without enough weapons, pushing Russia out would take too long, but security guarantees would enable negotiations.

Bret cites Senator Lindsey Graham, who said after the meeting that he found Zelenskyy disrespectful and suggested Zelenskyy should resign. Zelenskyy says only Ukrainians can make that decision, and he’s not going to step down just to make a peace deal. He stresses that Ukraine is grateful for US support and wants only strong, honest partnerships.

Bret notes that Democrats had the opposite reaction, accusing Trump of helping Putin. He asks Zelenskyy if the confrontation in the Oval Office was pre-planned. Zelenskyy says he doesn’t know but doesn’t think so. He says what upset him was hearing US politicians downplay Ukraine’s sacrifices, suggesting Ukraine was almost destroyed or had lost millions. He stresses that each loss matters and that Ukrainians don't want to forget what Russia did. He says this isn’t about him—it’s about preserving the friendship between Ukraine and the US.

Bret asks if sensitive conversations should have happened behind closed doors. Zelenskyy says yes, he regrets the public argument because some things are too sensitive for media. He emphasizes that honesty and understanding are critical to not losing their friendship with the US.

Asked about the next steps, Zelenskyy says the deal on minerals was prepared over weeks and should be signed soon. He stresses that they want to understand what part of security guarantees it covers and what the next steps are, because Ukrainians hate surprises during wartime.

Bret points out the minerals deal didn’t contain security guarantees. Zelenskyy says it’s part of the plan. He notes Trump suggested it would mean production and investment in areas Putin wouldn’t touch. But Zelenskyy warns not to trust Putin, explaining that Russia has previously occupied territories with American companies on them. He sees the deal as a good idea for business but insists on real guarantees.

Bret asks if Trump is too close to Putin. Zelenskyy says Trump has always said he wants to be in the middle so he can bring the sides to the table. Zelenskyy says he wants Trump to be more clearly on Ukraine’s side because Russia brought the war to Ukraine. He insists Ukrainians want to hear a strong US stance against Russia.

Bret asks about concerns over corruption and whether US money is being properly tracked. Zelenskyy says it’s very open and digitalized. He explains that most of the $100 billion was weapons delivered directly and tracked, while about $31 billion was direct financial support. He invites anyone to verify the accounting.

Finally, Bret asks if Zelenskyy’s relationship with Trump can be salvaged. Zelenskyy says yes, because the relationship is bigger than just two presidents. It’s a historic, strong connection between the Ukrainian and American people, and he’s confident they’ll maintain it.